Month: May 2019

Today’s quick review: Orbiter 9. Helena (Clara Lago) has lived her entire life alone on a colonization ship bound for the planet Celeste. Years into the voyage, she has her first contact with another human being: Alex (Alex Gonzalez), an engineer sent to fix a malfunction in the ship’s oxygen system. Though Alex’s time on her ship is brief, it has an unanticipated effect on both of them, prompting Alex to take drastic action to be with her.

Orbiter 9 is a sci-fi romantic drama about an isolated colonist and the man who is her only link to the world beyond. Though nominally a movie about space travel, Helena’s decades-long journey serves merely as a backdrop. The heart of the movie is Helena’s connection to Alex, which allows her to explore an Earth she has never known. The film packs a couple of good twists, but it’s not quite up to the task it has set for itself.

Orbiter 9 benefits from solid fundamentals. Helena and Alex never quite cross over into the rich, nuanced characters they could have been, but the movie handles them with skill just the same. Their unusual relationship ties in well with the movie’s plot and gives it a clear emotional core. However, the plot doesn’t have much meat on its bones. The exclusive focus on Helena and Alex drives out the film’s auxiliary themes, and its climax is unsatisfying.

Give Orbiter 9 a watch if you’re interested in the personal side of science fiction. Neither its characters nor its ideas are enough to earn it a place with the best of the genre, but both are handled competently enough to make the movie a fine watch. For a minimalistic sci-fi drama with a deeper mystery, check out Moon. For a heartwrenching look at the cost of relativistic space travel, try Interstellar.

5.8 out of 10 on IMDB. I give it a 6.5 for a good premise and well-handled characters, but missing the extra quality needed to come into its own.

“To live is to fight. To fight is to live.” —Bo

Today’s quick review: Revolt. Bo (Lee Pace), an American soldier, wakes up in a Kenyan jail with no memory of who he is or how he got there. He soon learns that the area is a warzone: enormous bipedal killing machines have overrun the world, and the human survivors have turned on each other for resources. Together with Nadia (Berenice Marlohe), a French relief doctor, Bo sets out for the Dish, an American base that might still be safe.

Revolt is a budget science fiction survival movie. Revolt follows Bo and Nadia as they pick their way across hundreds of miles of war-torn Kenya, hiding from the machines and cautiously interacting with other survivors along the way. The movie offers tense survival situations, a mysterious plot, and a smattering of action. However, its mediocre characters, unsatisfying mystery, and one-sided combat keep it from having the impact it could have.

Revolt plays its cards close to its chest. The origin of the machines, what happened to Bo, and what’s at the Dish are all carefully guarded secrets. Few of the important questions are answered by the end of the film; the ones that are have decent answers but aren’t enough to justify the wait. Normally an invasion movie can do without concrete answers, but Bo’s amnesia and his search for the Dish both promise explanations that never come.

Revolt’s execution is a mixed bag. Bo and Nadia make a fairly effective pair, with Bo as the optimist and Nadia as the realist, but neither one stands out as a character. The machines aren’t as intimidating as they could be. They appear out of nowhere, stump around, and rack up too-clean kills before disappearing again. These encounters give the movie some spectacle, but they aren’t suspenseful enough to really hit home.

Still, Revolt makes for decent sci-fi fodder. Give it shot if you’re in the mood for a no-frills invasion movie and don’t mind sacrificing a bit of quality to get it. Skip it if you’re looking for a moving story or full-blown sci-fi action. For a budget alien invasion with deeper flaws, this one set in a Los Angeles highrise, check out Skyline. For a somewhat better take on the genre, check out War of the Worlds.

5.2 out of 10 on IMDB. I give it a 6.0 for a decent survival-oriented plot hampered by a mediocre mystery.

Today’s quick review: The Titan. As the Earth faces overpopulation and environmental catastrophe, Rick Janssen (Sam Worthington) volunteers for a risky procedure that will adapt his body to the harsh conditions found on Saturn’s moon Titan, making him one of the first colonists of another world. But as the treatment takes its emotional and physical toll, his wife Abigail (Taylor Schilling) suspects that her husband is becoming something other than human.

The Titan is a science fiction drama about human potential, genetic experimentation, and the sacrifices necessary to colonize other worlds. The Titan takes a close, personal look at the question of interplanetary colonization. The story follows Rick and his family through his harrowing transformation, capturing their transition from optimism to uncertainty and fear as the treatment begins to produce unexpected side effects.

The Titan’s greatest strength is its story. The film dabbles in familiar science fiction themes, but its focus on Rick’s family gives it a unique angle. The worries Abigail and their son face mirror those faced by the families of real-world soldiers and pioneers, helping to keep the story grounded even as Rick becomes less and less human. The movie’s deliberate storytelling style and tight control over its tone result in a thoughtful and cohesive story.

Still, The Titan’s plot and characters are merely workmanlike. The movie follows through on its premise cleanly and competently, but there are no iconic moments, profound lines of dialogue, or truly moving characters to take it to the next level. The film’s dark tone, slow pacing, and traces of body horror make it a harder watch than the usual sci-fi drama without letting it reap the benefits of a true suspense or horror movie.

The Titan also lacks the payoff it should have. The plot takes a peculiar turn near the end, one that follows logically from the build-up but feels like a departure from what the movie has been up until that point. The ending wraps up the story but does little more, offering only the faintest hints at reconciliation. The colonization mission itself is almost nonexistent, placing the focus on the somewhat more mundane matter of Rick’s transformation.

Dedicated science fiction fans will appreciate the themes The Titan explores, but most others will be put off by its heavy tone, lack of action, and focus on personal drama. From a story perspective, The Titan’s script is not quite strong enough to hold together its unique combination of speculation, drama, and suspense. Give it a shot if you are interested in what the movie gets right, but skip it if you’re looking for a complete package.

For a science fiction drama with less suspense and a much better grasp of the personal side of its story, try Gattaca. For a colonization mission with a heavy dramatic component but without the genetic engineering, check out Interstellar.

4.9 out of 10 on IMDB. I give it a 6.5 for decent sci-fi that doesn’t fully pull together its pieces; your score will vary.

“I’m not your grandmother’s werewolf.” —Vince

Today’s quick review: Neowolf. Tony (Michael Frascino), a talented guitarist and songwriter, returns from a music competition to win back his girlfriend Rosemary (Heidi Johanningmeier). But his attempts to impress her hit a snag when Vince (Agim Kaba), the leader of the rock band Neowolf, takes an interest in his music. As Tony spends more of his time with Neowolf, Rosemary begins to suspect that Vince and his band are actually werewolves.

Neowolf is a budget horror movie about a rock band of werewolves. Although the premise works well enough on paper, Neowolf doesn’t have what it takes to make its vision a reality. Bottom-of-the-barrel special effects, a half-baked script, and acting that ranges from poor to distracting all stand between Neowolf and its aspirations. The result is a horror movie crippled by weaknesses that are too pervasive to ignore.

Neowolf is the kind of film that takes one step forward and two steps back. The camerawork shows basic competence until it starts abusing fades and shaky cam. The soundtrack’s acoustic guitar parts are fairly good, but its rock is disappointing. Tony’s fall from grace should be a cautionary tale about the dark side of stardom, but the film never puts the pieces together, opting instead for an abrupt, meaningless downward spiral.

But Neowolf’s greatest failing is its action. Where other aspects of the movie show glimmers of potential, Neowolf’s action brings almost nothing to the table. The werewolf makeup is cheap and inconsistent. The kills consist of smeared-on gore and careful cuts to avoid any difficult special effects. The few proper fight scenes are clumsy, plagued with slow motion, and governed by the film’s needlessly specific rules about how werewolves work.

Ultimately, Neowolf is a horror movie that fails to deliver. Horror fans may want to give it a watch just to dissect what it gets wrong, but its scant merits are too thinly spread to give it much appeal at all. Try one of the many other horror movies out there instead, or try Blade or Underworld for actual supernatural action. For a horror drama that offers a more thoughtful look at temptation, check out Devil’s Advocate.

2.3 out of 10 on IMDB. I give it a 3.0 for low production values, weak special effects, and empty writing.

Today’s quick review: BloodRayne. Rayne (Kristanna Loken), a half-vampire, escapes from the carnival where she is imprisoned and sets out to kill Master Kagan (Ben Kingsley), the vampire who raped and murdered her mother. To have a chance at Kagan, she joins forces with the Brimstone Society (Michael Madsen, Matthew Davis, and Michelle Rodriguez), a group of vampire hunters sworn to overthrow Kagan’s rule.

BloodRayne is a fantasy action movie from director Uwe Boll based on the video game of the same name. BloodRayne aims to be a slick fantasy epic that pits vampire against vampire. However, the movie is not up to the task. Cardboard acting, jumbled writing, and poor presentational choices undermine what little credibility the movie manages to build up. BloodRayne offers some action and the outline of a decent plot, but nothing more.

BloodRayne’s weaknesses begin with its heroine. Kristanna Loken turns in a thin performance as Rayne, one that isn’t helped by the script’s clumsy treatment of the character. Rayne vacillates wildly between untrained amateur and instinctive killing machine. The two sides to the character mix about as well as oil and water. Rayne has too much prowess to make an effective student, yet she blunders far too often to make a convincing hero.

More broadly, BloodRayne struggles with its storytelling. The basics of the plot are fine, but its execution is confusing. The film struggles to keep its logic consistent from scene to scene, and it wastes time with a large supporting cast who never receive proper introductions. BloodRayne tries to pull back the curtain on a rich fantasy world, but every new revelation muddies the central plot a little bit more.

BloodRayne also flubs its emotional arc. Apart from the film’s inability to pin down Rayne, the Brimstone Society have their own story arc that could have been moving in the right hands. BloodRayne goes through the motions of drama, but it doesn’t seem to understand what it is doing. The victories are meaningless, the losses are unsurprising, and the payoff is flat. The coup de grace is a cast that performs well below its potential.

Still, BloodRayne manages to get a few things right. The action sequences are fairly impressive relative to the film’s budget. The fight choreography is nothing special, but the practical effects are enough to give the battles some weight. The direction is fifty-fifty: scenic establishing shots and fine basic camerawork share screen time with pointless flashbacks and failed attempts to spice up the action.

BloodRayne will only appeal to the most curious or easy-going of viewers. Its pervasive flaws and limited strengths make it a rough watch, although the right viewer might have fun with the holes in its plot or its half-decent action. Most viewers will want to steer clear. For a high fantasy movie of similar caliber, check out In the Name of the King. For a series that hits the target BloodRayne misses, check out Underworld and its sequels.

2.9 out of 10 on IMDB. I give it a 3.5 for weak writing and acting offset only slightly by decent action.

Today’s quick review: Underworld: Rise of the Lycans. After decades of war between vampires and werewolves, the birth of Lucian (Michael Sheen), a werewolf able to take human form, presents Viktor (Bill Nighy), the vampire patriarch, with an opportunity: a new race of immortals, the Lycans, to use as slaves. But as Lucian matures, he captures the heart of Viktor’s daughter Sonja (Rhona Mitra) and threatens to lead his Lycan brethren to freedom.

Underworld: Rise of the Lycans is a fantasy action movie and the third entry in the Underworld series. Rise of the Lycans is a prequel that shows the origins of the centuries-long war between vampires and Lycans. The film sees the return of Michael Sheen as Lucian, Bill Nighy as Viktor, and several other supporting cast members in their younger incarnations. As is typical for the series, Rise of the Lycans delivers a nice blend of plot and action.

Rise of the Lycans makes a few tweaks to the Underworld formula. Set centuries in the past, the prequel swaps guns and silver bullets for swords and silver arrows. The action has more of a fantasy vibe to it, with greater emphasis on werewolves and group battles instead of the customary gunplay and vampire acrobatics. The result is action that’s less extravagant but more consistent, doled out evenly throughout the movie.

Rise of the Lycans also switches up the balance between story and action, letting the story take center stage this time. The story tells of the forbidden romance between Lucian and Sonja, as well as Lucian’s quest for freedom. The plot has few real surprises, but its clean execution and well-motivated characters make it work just fine. The story is far from high drama, but it’s well-developed for an action movie and fits well with the rest of the series.

Fans of the Underworld series will enjoy Underworld: Rise of the Lycans. Its fantasy setting and lack of Selene make it a departure from the first two films, but those who are invested in the series’ story will appreciate its contributions to the mythos. Casual viewers will want to start with Underworld to avoid spoilers. Steer clear if you’re expecting a full-blown fantasy epic or a movie taht does much with vampire lore.

6.6 out of 10 on IMDB. I give it a 6.5 to 7.0 a well-conceived story and solid action.

Today’s quick review: Underworld: Evolution. Following the upheaval in vampire society caused by Lucian’s bid for power, Selene (Kate Beckinsale), a renegade vampire warrior, and Michael (Scott Speedman), a vampire-werewolf hybrid, strike out on their own. But when Marcus (Tony Curran), the first vampire, awakens from his slumber, Selene and Michael must stop him before he can free his brother William, the first werewolf, from his ancient prison.

Underworld: Evolution is an action horror movie set in a world where vampires and werewolves have been warring for centuries. Underworld: Evolution delves into the beginnings of the conflict and the repercussions they have in the present. The sequel follows the same recipe as the original: vampires, werewolves, and lots of bullets, all backed by a brooding atmosphere, reasonably advanced CGI, and a well-developed story.

Underworld: Evolution is a direct sequel to the original Underworld. The story picks up hours after the end of the first movie and deals with several of its dangling plot threads, including the origins of the two species. This gives Evolution an edge over the typical action movie when it comes to plot. However, lots of recap and mediocre payoff keep it from taking full advantage of its head start, making its story a step down from the first film.

As for action, Underworld: Evolution delivers. The fight scenes are not as elaborate or as varied as the first film, thanks in part to the shrinking supporting cast, but there’s plenty of gunplay and monster time to be had. The film plays fast and loose with the established rules regarding werewolves and vampires, but not enough to detract from its big hits and liberal gore. For superpowered action, Underworld: Evolution is a good pick.

Fans of Underworld will enjoy the sequel. Though a slight step down in terms of action and story, Underworld: Evolution is a worthy successor with much of the craftsmanship of the original. Give it a shot when you’re in the mood for straightforward action. But steer clear until you’ve seen the first film; a newcomer to the series will have a hard time piecing together all the continued plot threads.

6.7 out of 10 on IMDB. I give it a 6.5 to 7.0 for strong action and a story that builds nicely on the series canon.

Today’s quick review: Underworld. For centuries vampires have waged a secret war against Lycans, hunting the werewolves to the brink of extinction. But Selene (Kate Beckinsale), a vampire warrior, suspects that the Lycans have one more trick up their sleeve. When Selene learns that the Lycans are after Michael Corvin (Scott Speedman), an ordinary human, she must defy the head of her family to find out why Michael is so important to the war.

Underworld is a dark sci-fi movie that pits vampires against werewolves in an unnamed modern city. The movie features polished visuals, a fairly good storyline, and plenty of gunslinging, monster-fighting action. The recipe is simple but effective: Selene uses her acrobatic prowess and automatic weapons to mow through scores of Lycans, all while trying to protect Michael long enough to get the answers she needs.

Underworld treads on familiar ground. It shares its tone, its visual style, and its basic premise with any number of other movies. What sets Underworld apart from the competition is its craftsmanship. The action is a satisfying blend of gunplay and superpowered brawling. The plot and setting are fleshed out in more detail than typical action fare. The visuals are polished and give the film a good sense of atmosphere.

Put together, these elements make Underworld a strong choice for fans of supernatural action. Underworld is an unusually well-rounded action movie that puts the tools at its disposal to good use. For action horror with more gore and more attitude, check out the Blade trilogy. For an action-oriented take on gothic horror with a comedic twist, check out Van Helsing. For an inferior take on a similar premise, check out I, Frankenstein.

7.0 out of 10 on IMDB. I give it the same for solid action, strong visuals, and a well-developed world.

“So you two clowns are vampires, huh?” —Jakeem

Today’s quick review: Vampiyaz. Eight years after he was imprisoned for a robbery gone wrong, Jakeem (Richard Carroll, Jr.), a talented safe cracker, returns home to make a new life for himself. But he soon learns that Khalil (Malik Burke), the partner who betrayed him, has since turned into a vampire. Promising Jakeem a fortune, Khalil ropes him into one last job: to steal an amulet that can lift the vampire’s curse.

Vampiyaz is a budget horror movie with crime drama and comedy elements. Vampiyaz aims to be a harrowing tale of betrayal, remorse, and revenge, all wrapped up in the thrilling horror of vampirism. The movie is none of these things. The crime elements shine through the strongest, but flimsy writing keeps them from having any impact. The vampires almost feel like an afterthought: they are dropped into the plot with no build-up or explanation.

Vampiyaz is an ultra-low-budget production and it shows. The props are repurposed household items, from the plastic beads posing as valuable jewelry to the egg timer masquerading as a time bomb. The filming locations are clearly limited to whatever was available, and the bulk of the film takes place in one abandoned building or another. The film is also stingy with its supporting cast, at times implying the presence of characters who are not seen.

Still, Vampiyaz is not a total loss. The movie has an honesty about it that is refreshing. What you see is exactly what you get. Vampiyaz also has a tongue-in-cheek sense of humor that offsets its grim subject matter. How much of the humor is intentional is hard to say, but the result is a smoother watch than the usual budget production. And while the writing, acting, and cinematography are by no means good, the film does get some of the basics right.

Check out Vampiyaz if you are interested in a spirited amateur production. The film has almost nothing to offer in the way of story, acting, or action, but its unintentional humor and lack of pretension make it a charming watch nonetheless. For another amateur film with more quotable dialogue and a slightly higher budget, check out The Room. For a well-written crime drama with a loosely similar plot and no vampires, check out The Town.

2.0 out of 10 on IMDB. I give it a 2.5 for its rock-bottom production values and a 6.5 for its surprising enjoyability.

Today’s quick review: Blade: Trinity. To take down the vampire hunter Blade (Wesley Snipes) and usher in a new era of vampire rule, Danica Talos (Parker Posey) locates Dracula (Dominic Purcell), the original vampire, and revives him from his centuries-long slumber. Blade, a loner by nature, must team up with Abigail Whistler (Jessica Biel) and Hannibal King (Ryan Reynolds), a pair of young vampire hunters, to confront the new threat.

Blade: Trinity is an action horror movie and the final movie in the Blade trilogy. Wesley Snipes returns as Blade, a half-vampire who uses his superhuman powers to hunt vampires. Jessica Biel joins the hunt as the stoic hunter Abigail, while Ryan Reynolds plays her wisecracking partner Hannibal. Blade: Trinity delivers just what the series is known for: pure, fast-paced action wrapped up in a slick package.

However, Blade: Trinity falls short of its predecessors. It lacks the full story of the first film, as well as the crisp action and striking cinematography of the second. The movie misses a great opportunity with Dracula, who possesses neither the menace nor the grandeur that the King of Vampires deserves. The story also lets several emotional moments slip by without much impact, sacrificing drama without gaining anything in return.

Much like the other two movies, Blade: Trinity makes for a fun popcorn watch for fans of supernatural action. Three strong leads and lots of action are enough to carry the film, but a weak villain and a mediocre story speak to the movie’s missed potential. Skip it if you’re looking for an action movie with more substance. For action horror in a similar mold, try the Underworld series. For more Ryan Reynolds action comedy, check out Deadpool.

5.9 out of 10 on IMDB. I give it a 6.5 to 7.0 for strong action held back by weaknesses in story and character.